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Read |Psalm 23: 4; 1 John 4: 7 - 21|
Words are like seeds: received by hearing and planted in the heart by believing. And what is planted, over time comes to grow, producing fruit according to its own kind--whether good or bad. It happens over time. It happens slowly--almost imperceptibly--this growing and bringing forth of fruit.
Many of my enduring struggles have come from seeds sown by a sower I was too young to manage. Too young to turn away. I didn't get to interview her in advance--this senile old woman sowed without notice. She spoke words that attacked the heart of who I was in God, before I had a chance to really understand. Her head of grey granted her great authority in my sight. My young heart came to believe, It must be true all that she has said about me. It must be true that I am bad and therefore cannot belong to God. This belief grew large inside me, with every misstep. Every failure to be perfect stood as witness against me. And soon this untruth grew up like a weed to stifle the chances of me ever embracing the love God had poured into my heart the day I said I believe. You see, you can be greatly loved and still live as if you were never loved at all.
In spite a loving home, I grew up with an orphan's heart. I was always in fear that I would be found out. I was always in fear that my very existence would incur the wrath of God. It was an impossible space: believing in the goodness of God, while believing that you were somehow excluded from it. Believing in His loving embrace, but that you were only welcomed to it in your perfection. This perfection was elusive. Always a measure beyond me. But, it didn't stop me from trying. Eventually, I became wearied from all my efforts--so wearied that I considered suicide. But, at the moment I opened my lips to ask God why He had written such a tragic story for my life He placed the refrain of a song in my spirit: "I am in His safety. Dwell in His safety. The safety of the Lord." It washed over the desert of my soul and watered the seed He had planted so many years before. The seed whose fruit makes a soul glad at its complete acceptance in Jesus Christ.
Rock bottom became an opportunity for God to show Himself strong on my behalf. It became an opportunity for Him to make a mockery of the enemy's best efforts to destroy me and show that I had been the one He had loved all along. He loved me--the truth that made a difference. He loves me--the truth that sustains me as I write. He loves me--the truth that slays the fear of rejection and judgment I could suffer because of writing this post. He loves me--the truth that brings healing to everywhere it hurts. He loves me--the truth that makes me brave when the shadows of my past try to make me fearful of tomorrow. You see, I've read all of Psalm 23, and I know that it is His goodness and love that will follow me. (Psalm 23: 6). He loves me--the truth that chases away the fear.
Today, I write with so much gratitude for the life God has empowered me to live. The best is yet to come! Beloved, you are loved. You are fiercely loved. There is nothing you can do to increase or decrease His love for you. You are loved perfectly. In full knowledge of you--the real you--has He pledged His heart to you. Will you be-loved?
The Bible says, "You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" (John 8: 32, CSB). Here are some truths to meditate upon if you find yourself being chased by Pharaoh's chariots of doubt, condemnation and fear:
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Carolyn Sinclair McCalla is a daughter of God who believes that as we seek the truth of God's Word, and humble ourselves to live in agreement with it, that we will experience the transformation which allows us to enter wholistic wellness: spirit, soul and body. She is the Founder and President of EarthBasic and leads its Be-Held Community: a group of women seeking, living and being transformed by the truth of God’s Word together.